Fifty questions away from an answer

1. How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are? I think I am somewhere around 126 in dog years- I also find a sort of canine likeness about myself as of late- watching in silence for lengthy periods of time, running in circles just for the whirl of it, and making sharp sounds as notes of glee.

2. Which is worse, failing or never trying? I suppose it depends on what matters you are failing or succeeding in. It is essential that one fails several times to discover their the truest version of their selves. It is however, preferable not to try unnecessary things- that do not appeal to your beliefs- your passions- your art. These things- it is better to not try.

3. If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do? Fear. This is what I refer to as ' The dream VS. The Plan. People often equip themselves with a very intricate plan but omit things from their ACTUAL dreams and goals that they hold most dear. This, I would like to tell the ( and often remind myself) is living half halfheartedly.

4. When it’s all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done?
Probably- but I am chatty in a forward thinking manner. I think outloud often, drinking gallons of coffee in the afternoon sun with my best friend.

5. What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world? I would like to not GIVE TO but TEACH people relaxation- this is- I would like to be able to endow people with the personal knowledge of how much simpler it is to LOVE before LIVE, love before work, love before war, love before disagreement, love before disappointment- love before all.

6. If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich?
Painting.

7. Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing? People often think I am "crazy" for how fervently I follow what I believe in as oppose to settle for an alternative. People are frightened by my passion for one of two reasons- of which I cannot clearly decide- because they do not understand where my devotion to something I love comes from, or they envy that sort of passion that they will not let themselves have.

8. If the average human life span was 40 years, how would you live your life differently? I would spend it similar to this one, but I would start wandering sooner, I would tell all children insistently that they should care less about what other people think of them, and I would spend a lot more time naked and soaking in the sun.

9. To what degree have you actually controlled the course your life has taken? All of it- to some degree.
parts of it entirely and then parts of it minimally-
but I don't always think the source of change effects the outcome of it.

10. Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things? I am concerned with doing right things.

11. You’re having lunch with three people you respect and admire. They all start criticizing a close friend of yours, not knowing she is your friend. The criticism is distasteful and unjustified. What do you do? If it were a lunch- I would get up and walk to the table next to ours, sit down, and turn to the people sitting around me laughing and apologize for absent mindedly sitting at the wrong table.again.
Then we would laugh and toast to one another and everyone we are yet to have the pleasure of knowing.

I do not keep company of any kind that are not open minded innately loving individuals. I need to be inspired by the people I live in this world of mine with.

12. If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be? There are two fundamental rules to life- if you follow them completely- you will never have an unsatisfying life: 1) Do nothing that inspires fear. 2) Do all things that inspire love.

13. Would you break the law to save a loved one? I don't believe love is susceptible to laws governed outside of the heart and mind.

14. Have you ever seen insanity where you later saw creativity? I find that these two words sometimes are very hard to distinguish by popular definition alone.


( complete on 09/17/09 )

15. What’s something you know you do differently than most people? I love differently than most people. I do it genuinely with tremendous amounts of balance and forgiveness. I do so instantly- without preconception. My love is always given and seldom taken away. Instead of seldom given and always taken away.

16. How come the things that make you happy don’t make everyone happy? I am a very strange person, and I have a low threshold for glee. Anything from those colored plastic paper clips to sunshine reflecting off of buildings makes me happy.

17. What one thing have you not done that you really want to do? What’s holding you back? ( I almost wrote a lesser truth here. ) I really want to be happy with someone romantically for a long time. I want to make someone happy in a relentless fashion- physically, emotionally, intellectually, spiritually, fundamentally, redundantly- so much fun that we- just burst into fits of laughter and stay in bed and just touch each other until the sun comes up and goes down for an entire day. what's holding me back? Well, the ability to love myself that much firstly.

18. Are you holding onto something you need to let go of? I've been told that's the case more than my fair share recently. But If I felt I were holding onto something I needed to let go of, I would let go of it.

19. If you had to move to a state or country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why? If I were choosing and not selecting from options: Amsterdam. Amsterdam. Amsterdam. I would live in a house boat on the canal and paint all afternoon while my dog chased kids on bikes down the docks.

20. Do you push the elevator button more than once? Do you really believe it makes the elevator faster? I don't push the elevator button at all. I haven't in years- I just wait patiently for someone to push it and think about whether I prefer the feeling of rising or plummeting.

21. Would you rather be a worried genius or a joyful simpleton? I think that by definition a genius is also a simpleton. Genius is nothing but a word for a focus- simplification & clarity of self- to the level that all things outside of the self are clear in reflection.

22. Why are you, you? It was a cosmic belch.

23. Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend? I really try to be, have I always been- no. But my imperfections are but a reflection of the past and present stages of my self growth.

24. Which is worse, when a good friend moves away, or losing touch with a good friend who lives right near you? Getting dumped by a guy who lives a short drive from you. certainly.

25. What are you most grateful for? To say life seems incomplete. Not just energy in molecules but this passion for living. I'm grateful for passionate life.

26. Would you rather lose all of your old memories, or never be able to make new ones? all of my old ones. I would love to be a creature in the moment. A nomad in the great here and now.

27. Is is possible to know the truth without challenging it first? Yes. In good-love and honesty- one can know the truth without ever understanding that they know it.

28. Has your greatest fear ever come true? Momentarily from time to time.

29. Do you remember that time 5 years ago when you were extremely upset? Does it really matter now? Yes, it is responsible for the person I am to my entirety.

30. What is your happiest childhood memory? What makes it so special? Weekends with my grandparents- Walking on balance beams, eating peanuts, riding a tricycle in the attic reading books that I couldn't understand and climbing around the stones in the cemetery.

31. At what time in your recent past have you felt most passionate and alive? Answering this honestly stings a little. Lets just say that I made a list of thirty seven things in my journal and taped them shut so I couldn't read them just because I didn't have it in me to remove the reminder of them entirely.

32. If not now, then when? When all things are in not only agreement but union.

33. If you haven’t achieved it yet, what do you have to lose? Nothing except the wonder if you had tried to achieve it.

34. Have you ever been with someone, said nothing, and walked away feeling like you just had the best conversation ever? I recently called that Saturdays. :/

35. Why do religions that support love cause so many wars? religion is a massive cause for simplified individual faith. It's like trying to shove the opinions of eight fingers into one glove.

36. Is it possible to know, without a doubt, what is good and what is evil? Yes, just try to REALLY feel it. Everyone knows their own perception of wrong and right that will perfectly suit the changes in their lives to come.

37. If you just won a million dollars, would you quit your job? Probably but only to travel and help people who need my help more.

38. Would you rather have less work to do, or more work you actually enjoy doing? I enjoy all of my work at this point in my life.

39. Do you feel like you’ve lived this day a hundred times before? Not on most days, most days are but infants. But sometimes I live that old man day- and I just sit back and look on with a charming squint on the world, feet crossed at the ankle, running my fingers through my metaphorical beard. haha

40. When was the last time you marched into the dark with only the soft glow of an idea you strongly believed in? I think I'm still in the dark actually, but I don't have a retrospect perspective to tell quite yet.

41. If you knew that everyone you know was going to die tomorrow, who would you visit today? All of them- we would have a D- Day party and dance until we turned into dust.

42. Would you be willing to reduce your life expectancy by 10 years to become extremely attractive or famous? I believe that with my will , I could do more in ten years time for the world than I would save in convenience of being beautiful or famous.

43. What is the difference between being alive and truly living? Love.

44. When is it time to stop calculating risk and rewards, and just go ahead and do what you know is right? Now.

45. If we learn from our mistakes, why are we always so afraid to make a mistake? I am not afraid to make a mistake.

46. What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you? Hahahahahahahaa. I don't care if people judge me or if people do not judge me. I care only that I do not care at all regardless of judgment.

47. When was the last time you noticed the sound of your own breathing? I exhaled inbetween "of" and "your".

48. What do you love? Have any of your recent actions openly expressed this love? I love seeing the people around me feel comforted, happy, and aware of my love and appreciation for them. My actions, I've noticed- could use some sharpening.

49. In 5 years from now, will you remember what you did yesterday? What about the day before that? Or the day before that? Yes, because yesterday I spent an entire day with my best friend Alena, Waiting for Godot. The day before that I spent challenging myself to let go of a man that I am absolutely crazy about. The third day ago, I spent crying with only intermission for breathing like a lunatic against the forementioned man.

50. Decisions are being made right now. The question is: Are you making them for yourself, or are you letting others make them for you? I find that sometimes there is no real divide in what you can choose and what is chosen for you. This is a cooperative world we live in and sometimes your personal decisions are made with another person in mind- and the most you can do about those decisions is to change your inner reaction to their outer consequence.

Check out my online store!

create & buy custom products at Zazzle